Reclaiming one’s own body, in whatever way that may manifest, is a response to the initial and the reoccurring trauma of assault. Sexual assault is not about sex, but about power. This desire to regain control of one’s own limbs after a traumatic incident. I also thought boys don’t like fat girls.” “I definitely thought, if I’m bigger, I’ll be safer because I’ll be able to fight those boys better.
For Gay, trauma manifested in a deliberate manipulation and transformation of her own body into a size she once believed would deter the lasciviousness of predatory young men.